Hardship
by Lingua Dii
Summary: Kenny's having a hard time dealing with his feelings for Kyle. Small amount of angst. Rated T for language.
1. Truth

This story has no correlation with any of my previous ones. Kenny&Kyle as usual. This is more or less a "test story" to see how this writing style works out. The PoV is not consistent, I might "hang on" to a character just to add to the story-telling. However, most of it is from Kenny's PoV. Note: You might consider some of the parts here "disgusting". Read at your own risk. You have been warned.

* * *

><p><strong>FIVE YEARS AGO<strong>

Stan: Come on, Kenny, let's go!  
>Kenny: I'll be right there!<p>

As Kenny put on his usual bright orange parka, he also prepared himself mentally for the challenges of a new day.  
>The challenges he had to face every day were different from other boys' his age. It wasn't just another day of going to school and hoping he didn't die of boredom. It wasn't just another day of pulling pranks and avoid getting grounded. It was another day of avoiding death. And another day around... <em>him<em>. Another day of denying how he felt about him, of denying who he really was to himself, to his friends and to the most important person in the world to him.

Carol: Kenny, don't you want some waffles?  
>Kenny: Sure. Thanks, mom.<p>

"_At least I can still count on her for this, even if she doesn't care much about me..._" thought Kenny as he took the warm waffle from his mother's hands and took a bite out of it.

Kyle: Finally! What took you so long?  
>Kenny: I... uh... I was just... getting dressed.<p>

Kenny could barely speak around Kyle nowadays. It was hard for him to focus on anything other than his dark emerald green eyes and his curly red hair. Thankfully, his hood always muffled his voice and hid his face so much almost nobody noticed.

Eric: Well? Are you just gonna stand there checking out your boyfriend or can we leave already?  
>Kenny: Fuck off, fatass.<p>

Unfortunately, Cartman, despite all his flaws, noticed everything. He knew Kenny liked Kyle, but he never did much about it other than a snide remark every once in a while.

Stan: Come on guys, let's go! Mr. Garrison is gonna be pissed if we're late _again_.  
>Eric: Shut up, Stan, you sound like my mom!<br>Kyle: Dude, you were the one telling us to leave just a minute ago!  
>Eric: Fuck you, Jew boy.<p>

As Kyle and Cartman argued, the group moved slowly towards the school. Kenny knew what that meant. His seat was next to Kyle's, and it just made his stomach feel worse. Usually he'd take something to get him high enough to forget about it, but ever since he had blown up a wall after getting too high, the staff had him searched every day, and nobody wanted to risk getting in trouble for him.

* * *

><p>Grounds-keeper: Come on kid, you know the drill.<br>Kenny: Yeah, yeah... You guys go on ahead, I'll meet you when I'm done here.  
>Stan: Sure.<p>

"_At least without Kyle around I can relax a bit._"

Grounds-keeper: Alright, everything is in order. You're Kenny, right? Mackey wants to see you in his office.  
>Kenny: Why?<br>Grounds-keeper: I don't know. Why don't you go ask him?  
>Kenny: Fine...<p>

"_What does Mr. Mackey want with me? I haven't done anything wrong..._"

Kenny: Listen, guys, I gotta go... do something. I'm gonna be a little late for class.  
>Eric: Well, I knew it. First time you've gotten to school on time and you're still gonna be late.<p>

"_Fuck you, Cartman._"

Stan: What do you think that was all about?  
>Eric: Who cares?<br>Kyle: I hope it's nothing serious...  
>Eric: Look at the Jew. Worried about your boyfriend, are you?<br>Stan: Dude, enough. Let's just get inside before Mr. Garrison shows up and makes us go to detention or something.

* * *

><p>While walking towards Mr. Mackey's office, Kenny bumped into Mr. Garrison, who was very surprised to see him.<p>

Herbert: Kenny? What made you get up so early today?

"_Kyle went to my house to pick me up._"

Kenny: Oh, I just... went to bed earlier than usual...  
>Herbert: Well, where are you going? The classroom is the other way.<br>Kenny: Mr. Mackey wants to talk to me in his office.  
>Herbert: Oh, I see. Well, don't take too long.<p>

* * *

><p>Kenny slowly opened the door to Mr. Mackey's office whilst taking a deep breath to calm himself down.<p>

Mackey: Ah, Kenny, take a seat there, m'kay?  
>Kenny: Sure.<br>Mackey: You're probably wondering why I called you here.

"_No shit._"

Mackey: I know why you've been having more fights at school than usual, why you arrive late every day and why you can barely focus in class.  
>Kenny: And why do you think that is?<br>Mackey: Kenny, I know you like Kyle.

"_The fuck?_"

Kenny: What?  
>Mackey: It wasn't that hard to figure out. You haven't been hanging around girls anymore, and every time Kyle's around you it's like your face is a red traffic light.<p>

"_Is it really that obvious?_" thought Kenny as he pulled on the strings of his hood, hiding his face.

Mackey: I know you're always trying to hide under your hood, but you don't have to, m'kay? You should tell him how you feel, m'kay?

Kenny took off his hood as a sign of trust, which made Mr. Mackey smile a bit.

Kenny: I tried telling him before, but I always get too embarrassed and tell him something else entirely...  
>Mackey: Well, the best way is not to think about it, m'kay? Just say what you want to.<p>

When Mr. Mackey finished his sentence, time itself appeared to stand still for Kenny. He could feel his heart race in his chest with anticipation, his hands were shaking and he felt like he was being cooked inside his own parka.

Mackey: Wait here, m'kay? I'll call Kyle and then I'll leave you two alone.  
>Kenny: ...Do you really think that's the best thing to do?<p>

Mr. Mackey's expression changed, as if he was scared of the answer to that question, but he made his best poker face and replied.

Mackey: Yes. I'm sure of it.

* * *

><p>As Mr. Mackey left the room, Kenny was left wondering how exactly he'd tell Kyle about his true feelings. Should he just blurt it out thoughtlessly or should he say something ambiguous enough that he could later deny its true meaning if things didn't go well?<p>

"_Mr. Mackey knows this stuff. He's a counselor, after all. If he's sure it will go well, I should trust him and just say it._"

Yvonne: Mackey! I saw that Kenny kid in your office. What did he do this time?  
>Mackey: Hello, Mrs. Streibel. It's uh... nothing, m-m'kay?<br>Yvonne: OK then...

Mr. Mackey could tell Mrs. Streibel didn't believe him for a second, but she had caught him by surprise, and he didn't have time to think of a convincing lie (or even look convincing enough for her to believe him).

Herbert: Eric, put that down!  
>Mackey: Mr. Garrison, can I borrow Kyle for a second?<br>Herbert: Sure. Kyle, go with Mr. Mackey.  
>Eric: Busted!<br>Kyle: Shut up, fatass!  
>Herbert: Kyle!<br>Kyle: Sorry, Mr. Garrison...  
>Mackey: Thanks, Mr. Garrison.<p>

* * *

><p>Kyle was feeling uncomfortable. He hadn't done anything wrong, yet he was being taken to the counselor's office.<p>

Kyle: Mr. Mackey?  
>Mackey: Yes?<br>Kyle: What's this about?  
>Mackey: Well, I uh... I-I think it's best if he tells you himself.<br>Kyle: _He_? Who's _he_?  
>Mackey: You'll see... Here we are.<p>

* * *

><p>When Mr. Mackey opened the door and Kenny saw Kyle, he got even more nervous than before. His mouth went dry, his hands started shaking even more, he got nauseous, and he was turning bright red.<p>

Mackey: I'll leave you two alone now...

As soon as Mr. Mackey closed the door behind him, Kenny felt like he was going to faint from fear. He was too scared of Kyle's reaction to what he was going to tell him, and he couldn't make anything up now, because Mr. Mackey would probably not let either of them leave until Kenny told him the truth.

Kyle: Kenny? What's this all about?

Kenny turned his back to Kyle. "_It's easier this way..._" he thought.

Kenny: Kyle, you know how we've known each other for a very long time?  
>Kyle: Yes...<br>Kenny: And you know how people sometimes...  
>Kyle: Kenny, just say what you want to say so we can go back to class.<p>

"_He's right. I gotta tell him now or I'll never be able to tell him._"

Kenny: Kyle, I... like... you.

Kenny felt as if he was going to throw up with every word. His stomach hurt as much as being stabbed a thousand times at once.

Kyle: I know, that's what friendship is.  
>Kenny: N-No, I mean... <em>like<em> you...

Kenny faced Kyle once more to gauge his reaction. When he finally opened his eyes he saw Kyle was paralyzed. His eyes were open wide, his mouth was slightly open, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't.

"_This isn't good._"

Kyle: And uh... h-how long have you felt this way?  
>Kenny: A little over a year now...<p>

"_Well, at least he hasn't tried to run out of here screaming that I'm a fag or anything..._"

Kyle: Kenny, I...  
>Kenny: What is it?<br>Kyle: I don't... think we should hang out... anymore...

With each word Kyle spoke, both of the boys tensed up. Kenny could hear his pulse race in his ears, his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest and he could barely breathe, whilst Kyle's mouth went dry, and he felt like crying for what he had just said to his former best friend. There was a long and painful silence, until Kenny finally got the courage to say something.

Kenny: ...Why?  
>Kyle: Just... don't. Please.<p>

When Kyle finished his sentence he opened the door and left without saying a word to Mr. Mackey. As soon as he left, Kenny started crying.

Mackey: What happened?  
>Kenny: It didn't go so well...<br>Mackey: Are you alright?

"_No. I'm not alright..._" thought Kenny as more tears rolled down his cheeks and onto the floor.

Mackey: Kenny, maybe you should go home, get some rest, m'kay? I'll tell Mr. Garrison that you're not feeling well right now.  
>Kenny: S-Sure.<p>

Kenny went to the nearest bathroom to try and clean himself up a bit, so nobody would ask questions. When he arrived, he heard faint sobbing coming from one of the stalls. He recognized who was crying immediately. It was the same person that had gone to his house multiple times to cry on his shoulder. It was Kyle. After realizing this, Kenny wiped his tears, put on his hood, tightened it as best he could and went home.

"_No point in thinking about what I've already lost_"

* * *

><p><strong>PRESENT<strong>

Kenny had slowly stopped going to school. The pain he felt from loving someone who didn't love him back was too much for him to bear. He had gone back to using drugs, first alcohol, but soon that wasn't enough and he went straight to heroin. Most of the time he wasn't even conscious, and when he was, he was either getting something to eat or just doing more drugs.  
>His parents had tried multiple times to get him off drugs and back to school, but no matter what they did, it never worked.<p>

Kyle, despite not using drugs, was barely making it at school, sometimes to the point where Cartman had better grades than him. Only a handful of people knew why, and unfortunately, Cartman was one of them.

Eric: What's wrong, Kyle? Don't tell me you're still whiny about _Kenny_! It's been five years, get over it already! He doesn't want to see us, and we don't want to be seen with a junkie.  
>Stan: He's got a point, dude. Kenny just wants to be alone. He hasn't been to school in like three months and every time we go to his house he's either too high to talk or unconscious.<p>

Kyle knew this was true, yet he couldn't help but be concerned for Kenny. He hated that his so called "friends" had given up, even if it had been five years and even if he _did_ tell Kenny they shouldn't hang out anymore. But Kyle had decided. He was going to put a stop to this tonight.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Kenny had just woken up in the bathroom at his house, once again covered in bruises, empty bottles and vomit. He slowly got up and washed his face. He glanced at himself in the mirror.<p>

His eyes had lost the "spark" they had before, his hair was greasy and even more messed up than usual and his skin was paler than the Goth kids'.

"_I look like shit._"

Kenny put on his hood and went downstairs to get something to eat. His sister was waiting for him.

Karen: Hello, Kenny.  
>Kenny: ...Hello, Karen.<p>

Kenny's parents didn't try to do anything anymore, and since his brother had left the house already, Karen felt it was up to her to take care of him, since he couldn't do it himself.

Kenny: So, what are you gonna bitch about now?  
>Karen: Is that all you think I do? Just "bitch" about stuff?<p>

"_Kinda._", thought Kenny as he took some beer from the fridge and put some pop tarts in the toaster.

Karen: Kenny, when was the last time you went out of the house for anything other than to get more drugs?  
>Kenny: None of your damn business, that's when.<br>Karen: You keep pushing people away, but we're just trying to help you. I know you're not a genius, but you must know you need help.  
>Kenny: Just leave me the fuck alone, Karen.<p>

With that, Kenny got the pop tarts and went up to his room. Karen started sobbing when he went up the stairs. It made Kenny stop for a brief moment, but he kept on walking, with tears rolling down his cheeks.

* * *

><p>And that is the first chapter of my new story. It's supposed to be two chapters long, but we'll see how it goes. I might put in a third chapter if the second one gets too big. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.<p> 


	2. Best Friends Forever

Final chapter. There's more parts you might find "disgusting" here.

* * *

><p>Kenny closed his bedroom door, knowing his sister wouldn't bother him anymore today, and lied down on his bed, crying. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally. He grabbed a t-shirt that had been tossed on his bed yesterday and used it to wipe his tears. Then he took a few bites out of one of the pop tarts but couldn't finish it. Nothing tasted right to him anymore because of all the drugs in his body. Kenny opened the bottle of beer he had taken from the fridge and drank it slowly. Soon after he finished, he tried getting up but his legs gave in and he fell onto the floor, tears running from the corners of his eyes, being absorbed by the already beer-saturated carpet.<p>

Kenny finally passed out from exhaustion.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Kyle was trying to get people to go with him to Kenny's house to try and put a stop to all of this.<p>

Kyle: Why not? I thought at least _you _would try to help him.  
>Leopold: Well, i-it's because he's a junkie and a f-fag...<br>Kyle: What? The fuck is wrong with you? Let me guess, Cartman told you that?  
>Leopold: Y-Yeah...<br>Kyle: Well, fuck you, Butters!

"_What the fuck is wrong with the people in this town? They're all selfish assholes. I guess I have no choice but to go talk to him..._"

With that in mind, Kyle headed straight for the school, to Mr. Mackey's office. He knew that if there was anyone who could help, it was him.

Mackey: Hello, Kyle. I haven't seen _you_ in a while. How's Kenny? He hasn't been to school for a while now, I hear.  
>Kyle: That's why I'm here. I think we both know why he hasn't been here and what he's been doing in the meantime.<br>Mackey: Yes, I know.  
>Kyle: Why did you tell him to say what he did five years ago?<br>Mackey: You know why, m'kay? Why did you lie to him?

Kyle turned away from Mr. Mackey. He hadn't exactly lied, but he didn't tell the truth either.

Kyle: ...You know I can't... do that...  
>Mackey: Kyle, sometimes we need to risk everything that we have just to be a little happier, m'kay?<br>Kyle: Is that what you told _him_? Because that's **bullshit**.

Mr. Mackey was taken aback by Kyle's comment.

Mackey: Kyle, I'd have thought that you, of all people, would understand that it's not "bullshit". It's the truth, m'kay? You risked everything by coming to me with your feelings, m'kay? So did he.  
>Kyle: That's different. You're a counselor, you can't say anything to anyone.<br>Mackey: Kyle, now **that's** bullshit, m'kay?

Kyle was growing more and more annoyed by this conversation. It was being steered away from the original point: How to get Kenny to stop?

Kyle: Whatever. Look, I just need to know what I should do about Kenny,**without** telling him anything about you know what.  
>Mackey: Just be yourself, m'kay? Tell him that you care about him and that you want him to stop doing what he's doing.<p>

Kyle slowly walked towards the door and turned the handle.

Kyle: Do you really think that will work?  
>Mackey: No. But that's all I can expect you to do.<p>

Kyle left Mr. Mackey's office. "_Is it really worth it to risk everything?_" was all he could think about.

Kyle went straight home to prepare himself for the challenge ahead. Kenny was probably in the worst condition possible, but he had to face it. He had to face it for his friend. For _Kenny_. He thought that if he focused on that alone, he should be fine.

* * *

><p>Back at Kenny's house, Kenny was waking up and rushing to the bathroom. Alcohol didn't make him pass out for very long, but it had one nasty side-effect: it made him throw up, even more so than heroin, but Kenny had run out of heroin, so he was stuck with the alcohol. He had tried multiple times in the past to kill himself by overdosing but, like always, he just kept coming back. Nowadays he made sure his body could handle whatever he put in it, simply because if he died, the drugs would've been flushed out of his system, and the pain would come back. Kenny once again looked at himself in the mirror.<p>

"_Can't go on like this..._" was the only thing on his mind. He cleaned himself up as best he could, went straight back into his room and lied down on his bed. He noticed he had left the door open, but he was too exhausted to care. He knew his sister would not bother him again today, his parents had given up and that his "friends" wouldn't care.

* * *

><p>Stan was also concerned, but not for Kenny, he was worried about Kyle. He knew Kenny liked Kyle, since Cartman had told him, and he was sure Kenny wasn't right for him. He was sure only <em>he<em> was right for Kyle. So sure that he'd even ask _him_ for help.

Stan: Cartman, you gotta help me stop this Kenny/Kyle thing. I just know that Kenny's gonna take advantage of Kyle.

Cartman was no fool when it came to psychology. He knew Stan was hiding something. And he had to know what it was.

Eric: Oh, I know, right? It's so gross, the jew-boy and the poor-boy getting together.  
>Stan: Cartman, shut up!<br>Eric: Ha! I knew it! You just want Kyle for yourself!

Stan quickly covered the fat boy's mouth.

Stan: Dude! Not so loud!  
>Eric: Fine, Stan, I'll help you get your little boyfriend. But then we're gonna have a talk about this.<br>Stan: ...Fine. How should we do this?  
>Eric: It's very simple. We go up to Kenny's room through the window and we-<br>Yvonne: What are you two talking about?  
>Eric: Mrs. Streibel! We were just about to... go to the arcade! We were gonna get our friend Kenny, he really needs to go outside.<p>

Stan was surprised at how easily the fat boy came up with a convincing lie and stuck to it. He wondered just how many times Cartman had lied to him and his friends and gotten away with it.

Yvonne: Really? Well then, why don't I come with you? I love arcades.  
>Eric: ...You do? I mean, of course you do! Everyone loves arcades! But this is sort of a "Guys' night out" and well... you're a woman, Mrs. Streibel.<br>Yvonne: Oh, I see. Well then, go on.  
>Eric: That was close...<p>

But Mrs. Streibel had heard the whole conversation. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Kyle was arriving at Kenny's house sooner than planed. He thought he had prepared himself well enough for the task ahead and decided to go through with it. He knocked on the door and was greeted by Kenny's sister, in tears. As soon as she saw him, however, she dried her tears and gave him an angry look.<p>

Karen: It's _you_. What do _you_ want?

Kyle was frightened by Kenny's sister's look. She wasn't stronger than him, faster than him or even taller than him, but the look of hatred in her eyes was scaring him almost as much as his mother did.

Kyle: I... uh... I came here to... see...  
>Karen: What? Spit it out!<p>

Kyle cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

Kyle: I came here to see Kenny.

Karen was surprised by Kyle. He had never come to see Kenny on his own, he always brought Stan and Cartman with him, even if they had already given up on Kenny. She relaxed a bit from this and thought there might still be hope for her brother.

Karen: ...He's upstairs in his room, probably passed out on his bed.  
>Kyle: Can I go see him?<br>Karen: ...Sure.

Kyle slowly walked into the McCormicks' house. It was as dirt as ever, probably thanks to Kenny. He went up the stairs and stood by Kenny's bedroom door. He was unsure of what to do. Should he tell Kenny to stop and hope that'd be enough? Or should he risk everything by telling him the truth? It was time to make a decision, and if Kyle made the wrong one, Kenny would truly be lost.

Kyle slowly entered Kenny's room, taking great care not to step on any beer bottles, cans or wet patches on the carpet. He looked at Kenny's desk and saw an old picture of himself with Kenny. He picked it up and examined it. Written on the back of it was something Kyle wrote for Kenny when he first found out he had feelings for him. "Best friends forever." Of course, he didn't mean just "friends", but he couldn't bring himself to admit it back then. He put the picture back on Kenny's desk and slowly approached the sleeping blond. He spoke softly to Kenny, so as not to startle him.

Kyle: ...Kenny, wake up. It's me, Kyle.

Kenny didn't understand who was talking or what had been said, but he opened his eyes anyway. He was very sensitive to light nowadays and his eyes hurt like hell, but it all went away when he saw Kyle, being replaced with a sense of betrayal mixed with euphoria.

Kenny: Kyle? What are you doing here?  
>Kyle: I came to see you.<br>Kenny: Where's Stan and Cartman?  
>Kyle: They're not here; I came alone.<p>

Kenny tried to sit on his bed, but his whole body hurt. Realizing this, Kyle slowly put his arm around Kenny and helped him up.

Kyle: Kenny, you've got to stop this. I know you're hurting, but this is too much.

Kenny tried to yell at Kyle but he couldn't, it hurt too much.

Kenny: How can you say that if you don't know how I feel?

"_I know exactly how you're feeling..._"

Kenny: Just... go away, Kyle. Leave me alone.  
>Kyle: No. Not before you promise to stop all this.<p>

Kenny was getting angrier with every word Kyle spoke. He felt like Kyle had betrayed him, yet he was here acting like he was his friend.

Kenny: Can you get me some water?  
>Kyle: What?<br>Kenny: If you're not gonna leave you might as well do something. Please, just get me a glass of water.  
>Kyle: ...Yeah, sure.<p>

Kenny slowly moved his arms to take off his hood, something Mr. Mackey had taught him to do as a sign of trust towards other people. He was feeling a bit less pain now and tried to get up, but couldn't. He was still too exhausted to get up on his own. Kyle rushed to the kitchen to get Kenny a glass of water.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Stan and Cartman were approaching Kenny's bedroom wall, carrying a ladder.<p>

Stan: Come on, hurry up!  
>Eric: Just a second, this thing is heavy!<br>Stan: ...Pussy.

Cartman would've replied, but he was completely out of breath. The boys set up the ladder and climbed it just in time for Kyle to arrive with Kenny's glass of water. Stan hid as quickly as he could.

Eric: What's going on?  
>Stan: Shh!<p>

Kyle brought the glass of water over to Kenny, noticing he had taken off his hood like he had five years ago. It made him feel happy, though he didn't know why. Distracted by the memories from five years ago, Kyle tripped on a nearby bottle of beer, though Kenny managed to grab him just in time. Time appeared to stand still for both boys, as their hearts went into overdrive. Stan once again peeked through the window and saw this. He tried to move but his body wouldn't obey him.

Kyle got up and held Kenny in his arms, while Stan was unable to do anything but watch the scene unfold before his very eyes. As Kyle broke the hug, the boys joined their lips in a tender kiss, which almost made Stan fall off the ladder.

Suddenly Kyle broke the kiss and turned away from Kenny, which made him feel betrayed again. But Kenny knew he had to control himself.

Kyle suddenly started crying, which made Kenny sad. He knew he had to calm him down somehow so he hugged Kyle as best he could. It was hard because of how much his body hurt when he tried to move, but he knew Kyle would do the same if their roles were switched.

Kenny: Kyle, I... I love you. I don't want you to go...

Kyle broke from Kenny's embrace, walked over to his desk and picked up the old picture. Kenny approached him and, upon realizing what Kyle was holding, said three words.

Kenny: ...Best friends forever...

Kyle's tears stopped and he turned to Kenny. Both boys hugged again, much to Stan's dislike. Suddenly Mrs. Streibel appeared with Mr. Garrison.

Yvonne: Boys! Get down from there! You're gonna hurt yourselves.

After a long talk with Stan (and some detention for Cartman), he accepted that when you love someone, you have to let them be with who they want to be, even if that person isn't you.

Kyle: I... I...  
>Kenny: What?<br>Kyle: I... l-l...

Kenny knew what Kyle wanted to say, but he didn't want to force it out of him.

Kenny: It's OK, Kyle. I know... I know... You don't have to say anything.

"_I love you, Kenny McCormick..._"

* * *

><p>And that is the second and final chapter of my story. I hope you liked it.<p> 


End file.
